you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
