I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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