so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
do nipples grow back?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize