Umm I'm too high to move.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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