Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
