Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's get the cat blown out
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
