awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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