I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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