I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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