And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
