You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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