Im at strip club and am horny
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
