So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
one might say we're banned from that church
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
