first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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