you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
