Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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