Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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