mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
