she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
