nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
