I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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