The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
