I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
