Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
