You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize