I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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