i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
