My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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