Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
