So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
