No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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