i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
