Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
