i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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