hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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