The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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