He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
