I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
