Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
