Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
