This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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