My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
