Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
