when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize