He uses pillows to masturbate.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The air was thick with penises
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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