the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
