Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
