I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
