Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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