I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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