Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize