They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
