community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
