your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
