i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize