I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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