it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
