Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
