I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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