the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
