you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
