btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
