According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize