I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
