Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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