She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
