so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
