we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
